My first STD was from a foam party
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
