'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
