hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
