you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
