the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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