i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
