He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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