I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need to calm my uterus...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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