well you can't waste a boner
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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