my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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