so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
