Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
