Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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