Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
