DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
His nipple licking is glorious
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
