just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So vagazzling was a success
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
