Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize