this boner is exhausting
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
