I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
