In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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