Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
