Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
