I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
