Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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