i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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