shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
