he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
