If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
