my mouth tastes like poor choices
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
