how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
