So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
