Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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