i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize