it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize