You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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