I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
