Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
