You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
