Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
