TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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