it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
