I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
