i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
