This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
