everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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