So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
