I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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