So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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