SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
