No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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