what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize