I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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