Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I puked a lego.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
