brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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