We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
