it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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