Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
