Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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