the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
