it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
