I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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