Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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