I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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