It's Friday. Sex?
nutella sex= disaster
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
