i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
