On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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