I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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