sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
