24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
