i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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