She announced her abortion via fbk
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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