as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
